Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Jeremy Lin Could Get You Laid

I'm Asian American. I have Asian American friends. Many of them are on Facebook...so I've been seeing posts about Jeremy Lin for a while. Months, now. He's been on my "recognizable Asian Faces In America" radar all last year, during which time I did not even accidentally watch a basketball game. And now the whooping has gone multinational, multicultural, multi-lingual, multi-endorsement-al. 

But all this ecstatic cheering also reminds me of my boyfriend shouting during an episode of The Walking Dead because he's watching an Asian guy have sex with a white woman on television for the first time. The root feeling is essentially the same: I have never really seen what I am seeing right now. 

I can't help but wonder...is all this Lin-sanity going to change the face of perceived Asian-American Male sexuality? He's going to be on magazine covers. He's got great bone structure and a nice smile. He's smart, he's nice, and he'll soon be rich. Will all these things help the Asian American man get a brand new sexy image? Will the beautiful and sexy Asian American Male finally be appreciated in all his complicated glory? 



Because Craiglist says no. Craiglists says white guys will just use you to get the cutest, prettiest Asian girls. Maybe it's just my never-ending interest in Asian festishism, but as soon as Jeremy Lin blew up I knew there'd be someone, SOMEWHERE, using Jeremy Lin to hook up with an Asian girl. His post doesn't say he's not Asian, but he doesn't have to. Remember, it's your crush on Jeremy Lin. Not his. It's classic pandering. You like Thai food, right? Does it remind you of home? Oh, I have a membership to the Asia Society. These old ninja stars? Got 'em at the Brooklyn Flea, they're vintage! 


But then there's this understated rice queen, who just finds jlin plain old fashioned sexy.


So Craigslist is undecided. What do you think? Has Jeremy Lin made Asian men sexier for all of America? 

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Craigslist Post Of The Day: What is a Left Outer Join?

I think he made this up. I did a whole lot of dirty googling and "left outer join" does not mean what he says it does, and he has a very specific definition.


I wonder why he needed to label it. And why choose "left outer join" when he obviously has much more colorful language at his disposal. He even drops a rhyme. And it's in his subject, which I guess is partly what propelled me to look at it because what the hell is a left outer join? "Jewish Man Who Adores Asian Girls With Huge Breasts," that, I understand. 

I was going to point out the spelling error of orgasm, because I can't help not pointing out spelling errors (ack, discret, had to!) but then I googled orgamsum, and well...

It's spelled right. 

Meet Me In Reykjavik

I'm traveling to Iceland tomorrow, a birthday gift to myself. RK and I decided last year that we'd travel on each others birthdays rather than buy gifts. We're both difficult to shop for, plus we're running out of room in our Brooklyn apartment for things upon things upon things. Why accumulate when you can jetset?

I got to wondering what the Korean population in Iceland was like, mostly because wherever I go, I want to try their Korean food. Ive had Korean food in Paris (weird), Madrid (weird), Shanghai (okay), Berlin (weird), Los Angeles (the best), Seoul (home-cooked: incredible, restaurants: meh-fine. Sorry my people but it's the truth.) While I've heard no raves about the quality of the food in Iceland (with the exception of some seafood), its diversity is always mentioned. You can find almost any kind of cuisine there. And sure enough, I found a Korean restaurant just a few blocks from our hotel. Made with Icelandic ingredients. What does that mean?! I'm going to find out!

Which then got me to thinking: what's the Korean population in Iceland is like? My obsession with Bjork began in high school and I always thought she looked a bit Asian - I think I internalized this into a belief that Iceland had some unexpected and unbearably cool little pocket of Asians with weird hair where I would totally belong. Not a huge population, but something. Small, but cool. Oh, high school fantasies. 


Well, according to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade for South Korea (and via Wikipedia), at last count there were... drumroll, please... ten Korean people in Iceland.

Ten!

That was just in 2009, so there's probably still a small enough number of us to all get together for dinner around a single table. Or maybe two tables.

Icelandic Koreans: holla! I want to talk to you about what dating is like out there!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Categorize This

Insert here: a lengthy and pithy block of text, at once defiant and apologetic, an attempt to excuse a lack of blog posting, of late.

But not making apologies is one of my New Year's resolutions this year, as is reinvigorating this blog. So here I am. Doing both. Lucky for my few but very loyal readers - I know you're out there, I have Sitemeter! I love your face off for it.

I'm wrapping up my short film, MEET LENNY, MEET CAROLINE, which has undergone enormous changes since I started blogging here for research back in the summer of '10. Throughout this strange and wondrous journey, I thought often about how this blog had, despite myself, become a thing of its own. It was starting to become a place where I could explore questions/jokes/reactions about race/sexuality/internet, a place where I could engage with readers about their own experiences. So logging post-production notes or updating readers constantly on the technical status of the film quickly lost its interest. I rarely enjoy reading them, so why would I want to write them?

But I didn't really know where to start, in terms of a vision for this blog. I live the kind of life where its hard to figure out what to put on my business cards (filmmaker? writer? designer? producer? blogger? lady person? podcaster?) so I end up just having multiple cards. Which I then never give out, because it's too stressful to be like WHICH PERSON GETS WHICH CARD?! Boxes of tiny unfulfilled cardstock potentials abound. And my latest realization is that divvying myself up into various categories hinders rather than helps me. Like Jorge Luis Borges says "Soy la cosa que soy"/"I am the thing that I am."

So I brought this new, holistic approach to refashioning this blog.  I didn't want it to just be responses to crazy posts I find on dating sites and Craigslist. I'm definitely still doing it, because it's super fun. But what else? I don't want that to be it. Could it be personal stories? Could it be scathing reviews of really racist or misogynist movies? Or maybe just some strange photos of shrink-wrapped Asian couples? Would the writing be anecdotal or investigative? Comedic or serious? Answer: all of the above. It's going to be anything I feel like posting that has anything to do with being Asian and/or American, and/or female and/or artist and/or writer. Because that's what I care about and that's who I am. And because why not? <-- You're going to read that a lot moving forward.

Most importantly though, I want to hear your stories. More than anything I want this blog to be a conversation, an honest and open conversation about race, sex, diaspora and the Internet. Yes, readers, its true, I want to hear from all of you. I want to hear from the Taiwanese girl who only dates black guys from the South. I want to hear from the Asian guy who blames hipsters for the dearth of datable, cool Asian girls. I want to hear from the married orthodox Jewish guy whose entire porn collection is Asian girls but has never been with anyone other than his wife. I want to hear from the founders of Ashley Madison, I want to hear from chronic Craigslisters. I want to hear from the Asian girl who hates Asian guys, the Asian guys who hate Asian girls, and the Asian girls and guys and non-Asians who think the entire point of this blog is useless or racist or stupid or hilarious or awesome. I want to hear from all of you, not out of judgment or so I can gawk at you, but as a way to start thinking about why we feel and want the things that we do, and what it could say about us as a people, as a diaspora, as a global community. Because these are precarious times, and it wouldn't hurt to get to know each other better.

You can share by commenting or email me at greatexpectasiansblog@gmail.com

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Seeking Asian Woman, Sexy and Literate

There is a lot to unpack here. 



Where to start.

1. As a writer, I understand there often comes a time when you need to hear something you've written read aloud. And yes, maybe sometimes I do need to hear it read in a sexy voice (I do write about sex and sexuality, after all.) It's good to get feedback, from friends and strangers alike. But never, ever do I post this very legitimate and professional need on Craigslist personals. This guy doesn't have an Asian fetish so much as he is a complete narcissist. The sexy Asian woman is just the mechanism that connects him to what really turns him on: himself.

2. "Book is fiction. Easy to read." Thank God! I was worried you'd want me to be smart! All I have to be is literate. And sexy, don't forget sexy. And petite. But the book is easy to read, so no bigs right?

3. What is a sexy Asian voice? Is it just any voice that happens to belong to an Asian person? Is it a high-pitched voice? A husky one? Or is it with an accent? "Oh, mister, your book has such a hard cover, prease ret me read it to you rong time tee hee." I don't understand.

4. He describes himself as slightly dirty but in a kind way. What? Only a super dirty and NOT kind person would be self conscious enough to say he is only slightly dirty and even then, kindly so. This is the beginning of a bad horror movie! Sexy but literate Asian girl meets slightly dirty but kind White guy from the Internet. C-movie paydirt, here I come.

5. Put an offer on the table? PUT AN OFFER ON THE TABLE? This is a man who is deeply & genuinely unaware of his own narcissism. As a result, the slightly authoritative tone of this ad feels threatening and a little dangerous. I much prefer posts that are bluntly to the point: "Asian. My place. Anal. Call me." At least you know what you're in for with a post like that. This guy, on the other hand, wants me to pitch him for the opportunity to read him his own writing in a sexy Asian voice. There's so much he's not saying. Stop playing coy! It's not just reading you're after, it's sex! Slightly dirty sex! Slightly dirty sex with a petite Asian girl! And you're going to pay me but I need to pitch you for the honor. But are you paying me for reading or for the unmentioned but very implied sex? Or for both? Am I a twofer? And what is the unit of currency here? First chapter, first base? Full novel, full Monty?

To all my sexy, literate Asian sisters out there: please do not call this guy.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

MEET LENNY, MEET CAROLINE - interview with BVEW

Yesterday, the kind people over at Big Vision Empty Wallet interviewed me about MEET LENNY, MEET CAROLINE. Read the interview here.